Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
