Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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