I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
