I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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