Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
