Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
