You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
