Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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