My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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