ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
