Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
