I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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