I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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