WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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