so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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