why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
