He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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