her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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