How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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