I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
