why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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