so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
