he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
