im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
