I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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