When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize