i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
