I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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