Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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(925): View more from California

I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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(301): View more from Maryland

seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...

(443): View more from Maryland

that's spring break in florida for ya

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(563): View more from Iowa

he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes

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(905): View more from Ontario

Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

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(904): View more from Florida

hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.

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(315): View more from New York

Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.

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(954): View more from Florida

tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something

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