And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
