You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
