yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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