break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
