if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think people are normalizing furries
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
