We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dignity is for republicans.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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