In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
