I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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