Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
