I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
