I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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