Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
