??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
