just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
