I want to make a zoo with you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
