dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's shark week go big or go home
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
