3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
