he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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