I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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