If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Everyone says I win the strip club
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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