Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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