capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
