Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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