Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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