Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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