just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
