In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
