hotel room ftw
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
