Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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