i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
