i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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