Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
