I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
