and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
