i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
