Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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