at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
