shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
