If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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