you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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