you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
